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Conservative “jokes”

Hey, I’m all for a, “What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!” kind of joke, but have you ever noticed that conservative jokes always have a tendency to be a little, well, violent? I received this recent jem from a friend:

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago .
Nothing Is Moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on
his window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks, ‘What
happened, what’s the hold Up?’

‘Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary
Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid,
Rosie O’Donnell, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They
are asking for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise, they are
going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We
are going from car to car, taking up a collection.’

The driver asks, ‘On average, how much is everyone giving?’

‘About a gallon’

Ok, first I have to admit that, yes, at some level I find it kind of funny. But at another level I kind of find it disturbing, after all we’re talking about burning human beings here. That’s a little grotesque.

In fact it’s grotesque enough that I suspect if you substituted George Bush, Dick Chenney, Tom Delay, etc. in there, particularly during the near post-9/11 period, a lot of people would have gotten awful upset and decried it as near treason.

Yet, there above is the implication we should fricassee our President.

This is hardly the first violently oriented conservative joke I’ve received and in all honesty I can’t remember a liberal joke of a similar vein. Unfortunately to me it fits well with an undercurrent that seems to pervade conservative thought.

As as an example, all you have to do is post on a conservative blog any sort of liberal exchange and you’ll end up eventually with a response something like this (I am making this up, but I think it’s pretty true to form):


or thereabouts. Note that the use of “fagot” is practically a legal requirement for these posts. Even if not directed at you, many a conservative blog thread will end up espousing the need for people getting “A GOOD KILLIN!”

Anyway, the point is there is a violent undercurrent that seems to pervade conservative thought and certainly many of the most vocal conservatives tend to be big bruisers in my experience. That is, people used to getting their way through force and intimidation. Most cops also seem to be conservative, which given my points above, I don’t think is a coincidence (authoritarianism also seems to be a conservative bent).

That said I know many a conservative that doesn’t fit the “bruiser” stereotype (as well as I’m sure there are plenty of good police officers who are neither authoritarian, nor conservative). Most of my conservative friends, including the one who sent me this “joke”, are quite gentle beings who are in my opinion good at heart and hardly in any sense violent.

On the other hand (sort of the “other hand” of the “other hand”), once way back when I was posting to blogs my brother, who is a died and hard conservative warned me (not sure of the exact quote but, something like):

Yeah, I would be careful about how you attack religion in blogs because, much as I hate to admit it, there are a lot of conservative “wack jobs” out there.

And unfortunately I think he’s right (and I’m sure after reading this some may want to, “KICK MY SADAM LOVING TERORIST FAGOT ASS!”, which being a wimpy liberal, I suspect sure enough they could)(um, please don’t).

As a final note, while the 70’s certainly were filled with what might be termed “liberal” violence, particularly by those of Marxist bent, since the 70’s it’s been pretty clear the real politically violent types have been conservatives, as illuminated in the Oklahoma City Bombing and numerous murders of doctors providing abortions. Even before the 70’s, the murders of Martin Luther King, the Kennedy brothers, not to mention many rural lynchings, provide truth to the contention that conservatives are probably the ones to really watch here (as opposed to Eco-Terrorists, thank you).


I should also note that the vast majority of NRA members and the majority of those in the Armed Services are conservative, which also might give a clue here. The fact that the majority in the military consider themselves “morally superior”, quoting the same Military Times poll linked above:

Two-thirds said they think military members have higher moral standards than the nation they serve. More than 60 percent called the country’s moral standards only fair or poor.

is also kind of self-delusionally concerning. That is, military members are by nature certainly no more or less “moral”, but it’s concerning that a group of people holding a vast array of armaments might consider themselves superior to the people they serve. At some point the word “insurrection” comes to mind (or fear thereof).

Then again, I suspect 2/3rds of any “named group” probably considers themselves morally superior, which is the unfortunate nature of “tribal politics”.


In the interest of full disclosure, I also must admit that at one point or another I have thought certain people could use a “good killin'”. That I think is human nature, and something I’m not entirely proud of. However I do understand the advantages of “saying it like how you feel it”, particularly in the confidence of friends and family. I just tend to think conservatives seem to say it more often, more publicly, and actually act on it more often.

That said, the funny thing is my suspicion is you’re probably more likely to end up on the TSA “no fly” list from going to a Noam Chomsky speech, than an NRA rally.

1 comment to Conservative “jokes”

  • Brian of Florida

    PBO (President Barrak Obama) and his hacks bussed protesters to AIG Executives homes, and yes they were advocating violence against the Exec and his family terrifying them. When In Kentucky the same organizers who shouted about Baby Killers at the front gates in 1978 were demanding that the soldiers help protect their homes from floodwaters when the Ohio flood stage hit 26 feet March 1997. Yes I ran into a protester from 1978. Yes I went on my time off and filed sandbags.
    Having been in the military I have gone from being spit on while in uniform in atlanta airport 1978 to being called a terrorist. I notice that Liberals in general are not willing to defend themselves, side with people trying to Kill me, and disparage the military.
    Yet they want protection from those they put down and prosecute. Want to take guns away from legal law abiding people so that only criminals have them.
    the Blackwater fiasco was a group protecting coward politicians who would not stand up and tell the truth.
    They came back to the safety of the US and denounced investigate and prosecuted them.
    So if everyone becomes a liberal, who will fight the bad guys?

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