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Thanks To Bush

I want to personally thank George Bush and his administration for teaching my child some valuable life lessons. I think these will be very helpful as he grows up:

  1. It doesn’t matter what your friends (or anyone else) thinks as long as you’re the biggest kid on the block. After all, you wouldn’t be the biggest kid if you weren’t right would you?
  2. If your friends don’t agree with you it’s ok to insult them, bribe them, or threaten them to make them come to your side. After all, fair is fair right?
  3. Anyone who disagrees with you must be an enemy, or maybe stupid, or probably both. I mean, if you’re right they must be out to get you or completely uninformed after all.
  4. Its ok to pick on the helpless bad kids, but don’t pick on strong bad kids. You gotta have principles about these things.
  5. It’s ok to beat up kids who are bad. It may not always be clear who the bad ones are, but you can probably guess that if you’ve beaten them up, they’re probably bad.
  6. If you’re trying to convince your friends to do something and they don’t agree, it’s ok to spy on them. For instance, if Suzy doesn’t want to go to the movies with you, feel free to read through her diary or listen in on her phone calls. You might find some useful information to “convince” her.
  7. If you and your friends put something to a vote and you can’t or don’t win, don’t worry, just do what you want. I mean, no matter how many of them there are you must be right and if you’re right you can do any dang thing you please! That’s what democracy is about after all.
  8. If you say anything enough it must be true. Just keep repeating yourself over and over and everyone will believe you, including yourself.
  9. If you think you have a good argument and can’t convince your friends feel free to make stuff up. I mean, it’s more important to win than how you do it isn’t it? Don’t let the pesky truth get in the way of a “just” cause.
  10. If a kid is being hurt on the playground, before helping them ask yourself, “Does this kid have anything I want?” If they don’t you’re just wasting your time. After all, if it was really worth fighting for they’d probably have something you want wouldn’t they?
  11. If you’ve waited an hour for something, 5 minutes more is just too much! We can’t keep “moral clarity” waiting now can we?!
  12. And most important of course, violence really is the way to solve problems! This “talking it” out stuff is for the wimpy kids!

I figure these will help my child go a long way. Maybe if he follows them well enough he too could even be president!

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